There is Always A Better, Brighter Way to Live

I talked to a man at work today. "How are you today Miss Karyn?" He said.
"I AM WONDERFUL, How 'bout yourself Mr Lilly?"
"Wonderful?? WOW< really? It is so nice to hear such a lovely positive voice on the phone. I Don't even want my money back I just like hearing the kindness of your voice!"


I.WAS.BEAMING! I love the reaction I get when folks ask me how I'm doing. I've pretty much taken "FINE" and "ALRIGHT" out of my vocabulary. I'm no longer living a generic life so my answer will no longer be Generic. I also notice when I ask "How are you today?" I really mean it, it's no longer just another "greeting" like "Hi" or " What's up?" or "HEY!"

There is much to be said about looking for the bright and positive things in life and in other people.

There's even more to be said about FINDING IT!.. Some people look all their lives for the good and positive things AND NEVER FIND IT! Is there something wrong with the look, or is the world in such a state that there is nothing good left anymore?

Quite frankly I'm enjoying being that finder of light in others. Finding it add to being positive. It really is a great feeling and makes the world a who new place to be in. A better place to be in.

Im realizing how much our perception of the world around us has to do with what we draw to us.

Let's take Drama for instance. Some people have a no Drama Clause. They avoid it, don't create it don't participate in it. SO THEY THINK.
What is more dramatic than turning away from a situation that needs to be discussed, sorted out and solved? You think just by glossing something over and then ignoring it will make it go away and cause you to escape drama free? WRONG. It come back with a vengeance. It interrupts current and future issues when not handled. It really does create... "Same Production, Different Cast" with YOU as the director AND usually the starring or co-starring role. Been there done that.


I call the Bullcrap card on NO Drama! The minute you declare it, it gang jumps on you. It invades your subconscious and your mind. Just because you don't admit it, doesn't make it not so. The truth isn't any less true because folks don't believe it.

I've learned the joy in Taking responsibility for what does and more importantly what doesn't work in my life. There is no shame in saying.... I messed up, I can do better. Or I apologize for being thoughtless. No But... or excuses or justifications. Simply... I messed up, I know it, I'm sorry, I'll do better. I have a much higher respect for THAT person than the one who finds fault and blame on everyone around him for HIS/HER short comings. We all have them. It's what makes us human. And it's soo disheartening AND TACKY to hear someone put off their responsibilities and issues on being someone elses fault instead of just owning up.

I enjoy a good honest day's work. I was once told.."I know just exactly what to do and say to impress the right people... and then I just sit back until I make my next move." Seriously.... NOT IMPRESSIVE to me. That's got " I'm a butt kisser and a suck up and do my job when I need to, but for the most part I'm a slacker when no one else is around" Someone who has this habit or attitude doesn't realize it carries over into all aspect of their lives. Can you imagine having a relationship with that person? They'll put in some effort when there is only shakey ground. I like working hard, earning my keep. I like being a team leader and a team player. If you can't be both there will be problems in your personal life and relationships as well. No one can or should or was meant to be the boss at all times.


Someone at work called me the Department Cheerleader. AUGH! Yeah, Im not the one. This same person asked me if I "ever had a bad day."
I laughed at her and said "I'm actually having one now!"
She said she just couldn't tell and would never have guessed it.
"well, Complaining about it would only make me more miserable and the people around me miserable...so I DECIDED to change it and make it a good day." Then I gave her a lollipop and walked away.
It's all about perspective. At work I decided no matter how bad or awful the person on the other end of the phone was, it was NOT going to effect how well I served them as a customer. I will always do my job the best of my ability with a cheerful attitude. No way I'm gonna let them get to me. So far, so good!

The next goal is to bring that attitude out of the work place. What if we all went home to our families and decided that no matter how upset, tired, frustrated or "whatever" the people in our house were We were going to be the best Father, Mother, Sister, Brother, Son or Daughter we could possibly be anyway?
And why is it we save our best selves for Customers, bosses, coworkers and strangers? If we treated our families like we treat our bosses and customers, I wonder how few divorces, separations and foster kids there would be in the world?
OUR FAMILIES SHOULD BE OUR BEST CUSTOMERS! These are the people who clean up after you, feed you, let you move in, give you a few dollars, and in some cases a kidney or something. Why do we not save our best selves for those we are supposed to love most?
Well let me tell ya, I've started doing this at home. I live with my daughter and my sister. And it's working. I feel myself wanting to add more and more the comfort and peace of the home atmosphere. And that doesn't just mean avoiding issues. We work them out. Not with blame. We know when we've done something and are doing something that's not conducive to the house hold or fair to the people living in it. We take ownership and try to improve on it.

And let me say this: When you have a true desire to improve and make changes... you don't wait because you learn there is no point in it. Laziness will have you take babysteps. The time for positive improvements is and always will be NOW!

I say this because we are loyal to our habits. Good, Bad and UGLY we are loyal to our habits, because they are familiar and we know how to deal with them. There is fear in change. Fear that we may fail or someone will find a weakness and see us less attractive or less perfect. One of the sexiest traits in the world is Confidence and true confidence comes from recognizing your weaknesses, improving upon them and KNOWING that those you love will continue to love you through it all. THAT's SEXY! That's attractive, not fake arrogance.


I tell you, LIFE IS GOOD. There are miracles surrounding use everyday. I notice them even more than ever before. There is ALWAYS ALWAYS something brighter and more divine to see and it surrounds us each and every day. I am grateful to have gone through whatever was needed to be able to experience this "new world" I've been living in. We are meant to have joy. Not guilty pleasure. Not temporary Satisfaction. Not Substitution but Real live, touch me, feel me, hear me, smell me, taste me human interaction joy.
If you can't find it, then you aren't doing something right because people all over the world are enjoying life and it's out there.


When must understand we are every day sowing and everyday reaping what we've already sown. If the harvest is stale and rotten, you can't blame the farmer next door for your tainted crop. Well you can, but it will never fix YOUR crop.

Part of the joy of life is taking responsibility for our failures because those things we suffer at the hand of others may make us dizzy for a little while, but if we stay dizzy and fall and wallow on the ground, it then becomes our own doing.


LIFE IS GOOD, believe that. And times are hard. The wiser we get the more we'll understand that our wants and needs coincide. How wonderful would it be live life in such a way that the only thing you really want and need is Shelter, food, clothing and money enough to live on? How wonderful would it be if we didn't need the cable tv or the xbox or laptop or latest cell phone? What if we're happy with a car that functions well and gets us to where we need to go? It is difficult pining and waiting to have enough money for the latest doo-dad. Why not take the money and send Mom or grandma flowers "JUST BECAUSE?" or take Grandpa or Pops out for lunch and an afternoon movie? Gather the neices and nephews together for an 99 cent ice cream and swinging at the park? These are truly the things that make life good and worth while.

Life.IS.GOOD. I Promise. And I hope you are put through whatever trial, trauma,hardship, blessing or refiner's fire you need to go through to live it well.

I've Got Problems...

I know it. And knowing it is such a blessing. I was having some discussions with some folks and for some reason the new Kelly Clarkson song "My Life Would Suck Without You" came into play. One in the discussion mentioned they didn't care for the song and then quoted the following verse:

"I know that I have issues... but you're pretty messed up too" And how dysfunctional it was to be in that kind of relationship with that kind of thinking. I had to disagree. In my perspective.... When everyone stops trying to hide the fake persona of being perfect and always right and start acknowledging and taking responsibility for their own "mestupness" (messed-up-ness) Relationships would get better.

Seriously, I know that I have issues. I feel that knowing I have shortcomings helps me realize I have things I can improve on. If I don't acknowledge them, the chances of them becoming bigger problems increase. Knowing that everyone else around me is messed up some how.. (And don't EVEN FRONT folks, we all have issues and there are things about us all that are messed up. If you are ALIVE you have issues) allows me to see them through real human eyes. There is no perfection in people and how they are.

I guess for some this could seem pretty depressing. For others they have just left the page all offended. Whatever! See ya, buhbye. Those folks have greater issues then they're probably even aware of.


I think when we try to hide our flaws and issues from those we love and care about, it creates greater problems. Does that mean come to the table and confess everything? Not at all. What it does mean is ....We, those folks who love you... we see your flaws and short comings, just as you see ours. And for those of us who really love and care about you, it does not diminish your self worth or value in our eyes. It is when you hide them, justify them, manipulate and lie to us to protect your ego and shattered sense of esteem that there becomes REAL issues.

It's been a tough year in the self worth department on this end. My world was absolutely shattered. There was no hiding it. And for the first time I can remember I had no desire to hide it. I didn't go around advertising it, whose who know me know I'm not the same Woman I was last year at this time. I have displayed to those around me my weakest darkest moments. To tell the truth I was too weak to hide the truth and at the same time strong enough to not care what others think.
How grateful I am for that realization. I learned that in all my "mestupness" I was surrounded by a stellar support group who gathered around me and lifted me up when I was too weak to stand on my own. I learned who can deal with a certain illnesses and situations that need extreme care and who just can't hang in those situations. I learned who has the knowledge, patience, desire to realize what they had to offer, bring it forward without reservation and care for a friend in need.

On the flip side: I also learned who is selfish, impatient and not understanding of anyone else needs but their own. I learned that in a crisis situation or a situation where I or someone else may need extreme care, some folks just don't have the mental or emotional tools to deal with such situations. Those folks you hope you aren't alone with when something goes down cuz if you need the help, you're out of luck... they will make sure to take care of themselves even when they are the one's not needing care.

There is something to be said about being "messed up" and having a desire to improve on that. If you pretend it doesn't exist, you will never seek to make improvements.

I feel sad for the man or woman who is always seeking and advertising to be right. These are those who will question all their "crew" for validation when there is an issue. Usually one considers the "crew" to be impartial. When really the only "impartials" who can be impartial know nothing about you to make an impartial suggestion. The "crew" is simply a bunch of friends who we go to who make US feel better after we've been called on the carpet about something. First we get defensive about it, then instead of taking that self inventory we get defensive and make justifications and then call the "crew" for validation. Because to admit we messed up would make us feel less in our own eyes. And we assume it makes us less in the eyes of others.

I have much more respect and am more willing to walk the fire with someone who can say: "I have a problem I know it has the potential to be damaging to the relationship. But I am willing to work on it and need your love and support while I try to improve"
I would and have walked the fire with THAT person. Than the one who has that pride routed so deep they can't see their own mess, or makes excuses their mess is the result of someone else always messing on them. Failure to take responsibility is another HUGE issue. Blaming others for your own laziness, lack of desire or ambition.

Thee are time when we all are put in a position of victimization. Someone who has practiced their agency in such a way that it invades or upsets your own. There are indeed times when we will suffer at the cause of others. And there are indeed times when others will suffer at the hand of us, so don't get it twisted. If you in any way shape or form justify revenge, abuse, manipulation etc... you have bigger problem.

There come a time and place for resolve.I remember those immature days of "revenge" and trying to get someone back for something. There was such temporary satisfaction for me. My conscience would get to me and eventually there would be more agony and guilt over it that I would find myself more miserable than the misery I was wanting to place on someone else. Some folks would call that a weakness. My Grandmother would call it Strength. She would call that a God-like quality. "When you begin to lose those feelings of guilt and misery, then you have stepped too far of the path"

In closing I say I know that I've got problems... and you're pretty messed up too. Embrace it. I'm not saying admit it and be OK with having the problem. I"m saying we all have them. And the sooner we start to acknowledge, take responsibility for and work to improve our own, the sooner we're have better relationships.

That's all I'm sayin.

Earth Hour: Power Down 2009!

About 5 days ago I heard about Earth Hour. A world wide effort to show respect for the Earth we are FRYING and cut/not use any electricity for 1 hours: 8:30-9:30 local time.
I got to thinking what a good experience to cut back on the electricity bill if just an hour and see how much of it we really use.
This was all to go down Yesterday March 28th, 2009.
I woke up rather excited to do this thing. I made a last minute decision to see if i could use as little electricity as possible all day. And then I told my sister about Earth hour and she was down for it. I think it was her who said... "we should have a party." I concurred! Always down for a unique gathering, especially one with a cause. We contacted friends and explained what Earth hour is.
Told them our doors opened at 7. Bring flashlights, candles, games,snacks and anything you want to throw on the grill. All electricity goes out a 8:25 pm!

It was interesting how conscious I became of electricity and how wasteful we've become. I got up and instead of turning on lights I opened the blinds. The Sunlight was actually brighter than the electric lights AND adjustable according to how much I opened the blinds. And the sunlight also brightened the mood. It's a fact that sunlight plays a great role in mood disorders such as depression and even on lonliness.
I began to do the normal Saturday chores: Cleaning the bathroom, my bedroom dusting, mopping laundry and so on. I actually decided to hold off on the Laundry because it take electricity to run the washer and dryer. And it could wait, I have plenty of clothes to wear so I didn't have to do laundry on Earth hour day. I actually got all my work done faster than usual. Partially because I wanted to get ready for the party, but Mostly because I wanted to use the sunlight while there was sunlight to use.
Thoughts of "Little House on the Prairie" Came to mind. They worked from sunup to sundown because there was not much they could do after the sunset. That also explains why they got much done, they couldn't procrastinate or put it off until later because there was very little could be done by candle/lantern light. AND putting it off would add the the pile of next days responsibilities.

It all makes sense, their hard work, their work ethic. I liked this new realization.
I didn't turn on the TV and or radio all day. I wanted to see what I could hear when not distracted by the typical things. I liked hearing the birds chirping and the kids at the park. One of my neigbors was outside laughing about something. I'm not sure what but it made me smile.
In my sweeping and scrubbing I created a little musical rhythem to one of my favorite songs, so that was kind of cool. I used that rhythem all day while cleaning.

When the cleaning was done my sister and I went into the basement and started to did out our candles and candle holders. We ended up lighting about 72 candles using the tealights she and I bought for my wedding reception last year that didn't happen (they smelled of vanilla and pears)and several other candles we had accumulate. It was fun to see the assortment of candle holders we had. We also used several battery operated Asian lanterns I had purchased for reception. They added an exotic element to the house and yard.

We placed the candles and lanterns around the house and yard. The deal was to use no electricity and very little battery operated things as possible. Make it a night using as much of God's natural resources and human interaction as possible. We used battery operated lighting for the stairs in the house for safety reasons. We have an obnoxious about of steps in the oddest places.


I got excited as the sun went down. Not sure why but I think there is a fulfillment when you are doing something you know can help a cause. And it was a world wide effort. Knowing places like Vegas, Singapor, Paris, LA, Ottawa, Russia etc were taking part and choosing to be part of it made the world a smaller more congenial place.
Folks started to arrive about 7:15 and help with the setting up of candles and food prep and games before the last of the sunlight dipped low into the sky and disappeared. About 8:15 we lit the outside lanterns that lined the sidewalk to the door and began to light all the candles in the house.


8:28 the electricty in my home(except for the refridgerator & freezer) was turned off. The first thing we noticed was that we got quieter. Something about the darkness makes one think they have to whisper and speak more silently. We got over that rather quickly when there was a knock on the door. My neigbors had read my online invitation and came on over to join us. Their teenagers didn't come over at first but she told them they no matter what they were doing they were not to use any electricity from 8:30pm -9:30 pm. Very nice. I went towards the back of the house and looked at the bording neigborhoods. It looked like maybe only 1 or 2 other homes could have been participating, but for the most part it was business as usual for everyone else. I was a little disappointed. But more than that, I was excited about my company and already thrilled about the conversations at hand.



We talked about books, relationships and how to better them, shared cooking and marinating tips. I was loving the interaction.
We grilled pepperoni and cheese stuffed chicken breast, london broil, cheese burgers, sausages and because the grill has a little side burner we made taco meat.

We put a couple of logs inthe fire pit but it was rather windy so we basically let them smolder and thought they wouldn't catch fire. Eventually a flame or two grew and the logs caught.
The biggest festivity of the evening was the playing of charades by candle light.
We had everyone write out things/object on peices of paper. 1 person drew a paper from the bowl and that started the game. What followed was 2 hours of rolling on the floor in laughter as each person tried to act out words such as "furball, hot pants, bacon, pantomime, flashlight..." and so on.

The night was awesome. It was relaxing, peaceful, cozy. There is something peaceful and exotic about candlelight. A few year ago I used candle lanterns instead of night lights and it made a romantic reverence about the house. I do belive we'll be reinstating that element into the household.
Also there was a huge realization at how much electricity is wasted. I've got computers, stereos, and other things plugged in and in the on position for things I haven't used in months. I rarely use my Radio alarm clock anymore. I'm looking into just getting an old school battery operated alarm clock. I no longer listen to music all the time when I go to bed. Sometimes I might pop on a DVD in my portable player. But it also has a battery. with a life of 4 or 6 hours I forget. But this means it will shut itself off and not run on electricy all day because I never really pay attention to it until the evening comes around.

I think we'll be grilling a lot more. And spending more time outside. Our patio furnature has solar lighting on it. I do recall sitting on the patio under the umbrella reading at night last summer. I remember how much more content and relaxing it was.

What i really recognized most was the level of stress and peace, for some reason was non existant.
I don't think we realize how added noise puts and keeps us on alert. There was no confusion trying to hear or understand someone over the TV or radio. We were very attentive and aware of certain needs someone may have had because there were no other focus or other things pulling our attention in different directions.
I guess I was able to be in the moments and enjoy them.

When the lights did finally come back, on about 30 minutes after midnight it was like some vile invader yanking us back in to some unpeaceful premature existance.

Don't get me wrong. I enjoy the comforts electricity brings into my life. The entertainment and ease it gives the world.
But I think what yesterday taught me was this. God created all things. He brought forth many ideas to be invented for certain purposes. And from that man created many things to which we all should be thankful for. But the core of our thanks, appreciation and utilization should still be those God Made gifts.
My mother often said the Lord has a way of destroying and taking away those things we love more than him, or those things we don't use.
Is it any wonder our earth is rotting/frying/dying away? We have poisoned our water sources and our land. We have we given back any of the things we've taken? Plants? Minerals? Animals? Have we tried to nourish the earth so she can replenish her gifts and bounty?

In depending too much on things of comfort we, too are wasting away. Our minds are less sharp. Our bodies are succumbing more to disease & falling apart and not functioning as well as in the passed. We're getting lazier, fatter, sicker and dying at younger and younger ages.
We rely on processed foods with hormones and other additive and excipients. We've gotten too lazy to provide for ourselves and EXPECTANT on others to help feed us, clothe us, pay our bills, clean up after ourselves and fullfill our lives.
I don't think this was how the Good Lord intended things to be. We are not to expect others to do more for us and our families than we are willing to do for ourselves.

I woke up this morning and the first things I did was open my blinds to let the sunlight in. Then I opened all the blinds in the house. The only things I've turn on today was this laptop. Im enjoying the sound of the birds. They're probably cussing to one another because it's sprinkling snow outside. There's smoke rising from the fire pit as the flakes touch down and dance on the glowing embers from the logs.
Today I'm hearing what Mama Nature and Mama Earth are saying.
It sounded like they said "Thank you for last night!"

7 Women + 3 Boyz = Men!

One fine evening 7 Women from Utah went out to Play.





Then ended up in Nevada in a place called Wendover



There was a Concert...



But the concert was all sold out. "Hmmmm!" Thought 7 women in Wendover! "How do we get to see this concert? It is sold out and we do not have tickets"


7 Women in Wendover met a Lady from South Jordan Utah



She had 3 extra tickets so we bought them.

7 Women in Wendover found another lady who had 4 extra tickets. So we bought them too.




2 seats were together on the floor. 1 seat was in the middle of strangers on the floor

4 seats were all together on the next level up. None of the seats were bad. All of the women were happy.


7 Women in Wendover went into a Concert



And this is what happened:



















AND...





























They kissed and held my hand (yes... all 3 of them)
They gave me a rose
AND they told me to call my mama and put her on the phone. Then they took my blackberry told my mama who they were, that I was at a concert having a good time and that a song was dedicated to her ... then and sang to my Mama in Michigan while onstage in the middle of the concert."Mama...Mama You Know I love you! You know I love you Mama!"


AND THEN after the show... this happened:



V.I.P Passes(Autographed)to the V.I.P Lounge




My Daughter with the Menz



Myself with the Menz



My Womenz with the Menz



This is our story and we're sticking to it!





THE END!~


PS: Anything can happen with 7 women from Utah in a Friday or Saturday night!

Good Livin Makes Things Fall Into Place!

Soooooo, I have a story to tell. :) I could be mad, sad, worried, harried and all of that stuff but I'm not.

So the Exp tags on my car are up today. I plan on renewing them Friday, cuz that's when Pay day is. There front light on my car has been out since about mid January. It only needs a bulb and that's really no big deal to change.

I didn't renew with my old auto insurance company and I termed with them as of Jan 22 I think.

It's a Saturday night. About 10 pm. I decided to head to Walmart about 5 miles away and get that bulb for my car. If I got stopped for the headlight in the next week they might ding me for having expired tags. The police are pretty good about the expired tags, you can usually go about 60 days w/o them hassling you or ticketing you. But I didnt want to take any chances. The car basically sat in the Garage all summer long except for trips to the groceries and dr appointments. So the wear and tear the last 6 months has been minimal.


Anyway I'm rolling down the HWY to the walmart and I'm coming up on a light that's red. I look down at my dash and notice all the red lights are on: Oil, engine, Battery. I think... uh oh, my car is off. Because we're at a stop light and I'm slowed down to stop anyway, I put the car in park and throw on the hazards. Then I turn the ignition off and try and turn it back on. It wont turn over. Hmmmmm!

So I check all the service lights again and they indicate oil and battery. I think alternator. That ain't it cuz the lights are on, the radio's on, everythings on. Then I think I'm outta gas. Nope, at least I'm registered at a quarter of a tank but the gage could be off.

Well I gotta get outta the intersection. I call up my Sister Natalie. Tell her exactly where I'm at: Seriously in the middle of Bangerter HWY & 90s. She and stormy are on their way. Then I call my other sister Lyn. She's at a bachelorette party of a co-worky so she prolly didn't hear the phone. No use worrying her. Then I call Mikey. He's on his way too. So I sit there in the middle of my highway with my flashers on.... just waitin. I'm thinking... Ok so we've got to move my car off to the side of the road. But since my tags exprire at midnight, I don't really wanna leave it on the side of the road a parking lot would be better. No way we gonna push this thing to a parking lot, it's too busy Im stuck on a freakin HWY.
As these things are rolling through my mind the Light Im stopped at is changing as people go about their business on a Saturday night. Someone actually got behind me and I had to wave them around.
So there I sat. I tried turning the key again, making sure to take some sort of mental inventory.... No loss of power, all lights come on inside and outside. The Oil and battery light stay on. The car almost turns over. The anti theft light is on.

Hmmmmmmmmm! Interesting, what is it. Im interupted by a knock on my window. A pretty Polynesian woman is asking me if i need help. It's just her and another lady in her SUV. They're offering to push. Just then my Sister and nephew show up. Shes in a night gown and he doesn't have shoes on. I just had on fuzzy blue slippers and some sweats. We're discussing where to push it. I want to shoot for the Hospital parking lot which is around the corner and across the street to where I am but I know that's asking alot. Just as I'm pulling the car in Neutral so they can push a Tow truck pulls up besides us at the light which has just turned red again. He put on his service lights. I rolled down the window and ask if he can help. It's like $55 to hook up and 1.99 a mile to tow it back to my house.

As he and I are discussing what to do, Michael yells from across the road "what's the problem do you think?" He's in the center lane about to cross the HWY in his truck. "Not sure" i yell back, but we're gonna push it to the side of the road and then He's gonna tow it back to the house" i said pointing at the tow truck.

Anyway, we (Natalie, Stormy, Pretty Polynesian woman)get the car pushed around the corner to the side of the road. The tow truck hooks me up. And tows me back to my house which was 3 miles away.

My car is sitting in my garage facing the street like it didn't even have a crazy night out.

Im not so much worried about the car, it'll get fixed. I have a calmness about me in that regard.
I'm more excited about how everything fell into place: I decided on Progressive Insurance and have been a member since Feb 22. I believe it was a week ago today I signed up with them online. My cards came in the mail yesterday. Also my sister Lyn made us (me and my daughter) members of Triple A. She gave me those cards yesterday as well. And I think what makes me smile the most is a tow truck... in the right place at the right time. One less stress about having to find a way to get the car back home. What an awesome night.
I could sit here and be upset and pissy about my car not running, how am I gonna get to work next week, the tags are expired and on and on.

But I'm grateful for insurance and double roadside assistance coverage. I'm grateful for Natalies, Stormy, Michael and pretty polynesian woman who were at my side in less than 10 minutes. AND I'M Grateful for Guys in tow trucks on Saturday nights who just happen to be traveling down the same road I'm traveling.
I feel as if tonight I was surrounded my angels.

OH.... that's maybe cuz I WAS!

Pornography Ruins Lives, Families and Relationships.

Now that I have your attention lets talk about it. This is a very hard topic. But I've come acrossed it too much in the past couple of years to stay silent anymore. I don't expect too many of my friends or too many folks in general to comment on this subject as it is pretty much "TABOO" which is part of the problem. No body has a desire to discuss the tough stuff. But these are things that need to be discussed.

It's very heartbreaking and disheartening when someone you love has an addiction. Addictions to porn and deviant sexual acts can be even more devastating than being addicted to drugs, alcohol and other substances you ingest. While substance abuse too, can wreck havoc on the addict and those who love them, you can obtain happy and healthy relationships from recovering and abstinence. Not so much with sexual addiction. Sex is an important part of relationships. It directly and immediately effects the lives of 2 people if you're trying to have a relationship... and the family as well. Sexual deviance and inappropriateness is everywhere:Tv, Radio, Literature, Media, and in our own homes: computer, web cams, cell phones, any communication device.

The scriptures warn/council us about unnatural love and lust. Most Christians understand this meaning to be about homosexuality. We are mistaken if we believe this to be the ONLY unnatural love/lust being talked about in the bible.

18The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of men who suppress the truth by their wickedness, 19since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. 20For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse.
21For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. 22Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools 23and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like mortal man and birds and animals and reptiles.

24Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. 25They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen.

26Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. 27In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion.

28Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done. 29They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, 30slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; 31they are senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless. 32Although they know God's righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them.

ROMANS 1:18-32

I believe we are mistaken if we don't consider compulsive/impulsive of any kind to be an unnatural love disapproving of God.

The hardest part about addiction is being one who loves the addict. YOU CAN'T CHANGE THEM. They have to come to terms with it themselves. No one likes to admit they have a problem or a disorder. There's much embarrassment in admitting it and seeking the professional help needed. Most will not. They aren't strong enough. It has become a way of life.

The sad part is how it damages the lives of those around them and they don't see it or care: spouses, children, other family members. Their biggest mistake, I feel is in thinking others don't know. If it's on your computer, it's found out. If your actions and words are inconsistent on a regular basis, we know. You can't hide EVERYTHING, you've sent the wrong email, text or I/M to the wrong person. You can't remember which person you're telling which lies to. You've recorded porn over your child's favorite Disney TV show. You've left phone numbers in your pockets and some one else does your laundry. You've left evidence of your one night stands or who you're cheating with on your camera. You have no or low physical desires to be with your spouse or significant other. (No need, you're getting what you need online and through self gratification) Or you have only physical relationships with skills of how to deal with the emotional attachment.
Trust me, we know because it IS ingrained in your personality. We see it in your actions, hear it in your justifications, and we feel it every time you choose it over us.

There are definite patterns of porn and sexual addictions. Most of those who are addicted are so oblivious to the patterns they don't usually realize or see it they're in such deep denial they honestly believe they are hiding their addiction, justifying their habits and covering it up with plethora of lies and manipulations. It's so ingrained into who they are and their personalities and THEY"RE SO BLIND THEY DON'T SEE THAT WE AREN'T BUYING IT. It's normal to them. And learning how to masquerade it is a second natured attempt at desperation. In most cases the one addicted will resort to anger, abuse (physical, mental, emotional)and abandonment to protect themselves and their habit.

Their comfort mostly lies in their solitude. When they are lone they don't have to work so hard to hide their habit.

They keep their friends and family at a distance from their personal space. They enjoy time with them, however it's usually not in their own homes. They very rarely invite anyone outside of their habit or "fix" into their turf.

They prefer to communicate in a "non emotional" state or situation. Text. I/M. Email. There is very little emotional investment. They become cowards to the sound of a voice or facial expressions. It humanizes their partner and this is where they have trouble, with human emotion.

However they show great human emotion, comfort euphoria and well-being while at the screen of a computer or cell phone.
They're also lost confused and out of sorts when away from these items too long. For example... late for work because they were online or had to go back and get their cell phone cuz they left it at home.

Also they're very controlling, anxious and guarded about others using their computer and cell phones. Example: Hovering close if you ask to use their computer or you ask to use their phone and they have to dial the number for you, stand right with you and make sure it's turned off properly. They guard it with more than normal caution and control.

This anxiousness comes from what you might actually find on their gadgets: Porn, sex talk, conversations and phone numbers from the opposite gender. It's all part of hiding and protecting themselves.

Other telling signs:
Poor Hygiene. Sometimes it's person hygiene, sometimes it's living space. Are clothes worn 2 and 3 times without being washed? Their homes are are livable, but remain cluttered and messy for the most part. Their version of clean is tolerable. They blame others for THEIR inability to maintain.

There is usually a long history of job loss. They got fired because of something not truly their fault or they quite because they were being treated unfairly somehow. They've rolled through many jobs, good job, bad jobs. Their job loss was never their fault, of course.
Typically if they have a spouse, the spouse is basically the main provider for the household. They spend their time maintaining the house hold, paying the bills etc. The addict spends their money and time on themselves (maintaining the the things they need for their habit). Typically bankruptcy is involved: The addict can't keep a job and usually causes the most bills, Computer upgrades, extra phone lines in the house, newest video game or devices or literature to support the habit.

There are some of the text book patterns of addicts. The computer and other electronic devices with access to the web or any device where sexual favors and activities can be solicited and satisfied are used in obsession. Not to mention the interest and desire to use them rather then to interact with a real person. Or to use them to interact with a real person instead of cutting out the "middle man" and interacting directly.


Porn and computer gaming has been the main deal breaker in my relationships the last 5-10 years.
The computer is the biggest accomplice. There is a vast overlap between gaming addiction and porn addiction. Although porn is a socially acceptable addiction, gamers tend to feel more guilty than porn addicts because gamers don't hide their addiction and get more ridicule and criticism.

If you or someone you love can answer yes to most of these "SIGNS" then seeking professional help may be in order:
S = Sleep cycle is consistently advanced. Goes to sleep later and wakes later or is tired in the morning.
I = Irritable when not on the computer. Preoccupied thinking about the computer and their activities there (sex, gaming, browsing, tuning the system up, etc.). Can become enraged if told to stop using.
G = Guilty about his/her computer use so tries to hide evidence of 1) game/porn purchases, 2) online activities (deletes cache, uses encryption/passwords, etc.), and 3) logs on secretly, etc.; 4) defensive when confronted.
N = Nightmares. Dreams about his or her gaming/computer use.
S = Social dropouts - people who become more isolated by their computer use. This is seen when there is a consistent pattern of sacrificing real-life relationships to preserve virtual ones. Alternatively, seems to prefer living in virtual worlds more than their real one. These people become or have been NEETs: 'Not in Employment, Education, or Training.'"

IN the mean time this is what we who love the addict sees:
Them having a sense of well-being and comfort of euphoria while at the screen of computer
Spending more time at the computer
Carving long time at the computer until neglecting family, friends and relatives
Feeling meaningless, dull, empty, depressed or irritable when not at the computer.

I actually had someone tell me it's so ingrained in their personality they actually get depressed when they don't have the latest cell phone or gadget or are away from their computer (their baby) for a long time. And to them, it was not normal or unnatural.

Also they are Successful online: they've mastered level 750 of W.O.W or City Of Heroes. And when things aren't going right they can start over and over without consequences or responsibility. They are in control. They spend very little emotional investment for their stimulation and get all the glory of being successful and fulfilled. THEY ARE VICTORIOUS. Porn works the same way They are in control, very little emotional investment no once to be accountable to, they are the boss, in charge, stimulation with no emotional effort or responsibility.


They may also find themselves having to depend on family members to help them survive... having to move with relatives two or more times to help them survive.

These patterns can go on for years: An addict can function well for 2 or 3 years and then suddenly fall on hard times (or hit rock bottom) and have to rely on others to help support them while they get back on their feet. It's a life cycle of an addict.

Those who want to stop and think they are strong enough to do it on their own, you are mistaken or you would have done it years ago. I don't believe any man or woman of God who is caught up really wants to be. I think they go through spurts of trying to be clean and resist but the physical desire and emotional detachment has become a thinking disorder. some where down the line they have forgotten when we are truly in balance: body, mind and spirit, WE control our urges they do not control us.



To those who have been abandoned or left because of this problem please know the following:
1.It is NOT you that has the problem.

2.You respected yourself enough to be intolerant of a situation that was unloving and disrespectful to you.

3. You were smart enough to not fall for the manipulations and lies. The had no other choice but to go to support your habit.

4. You were strong enough to leave and preserve your own life.

5. The emotional & and mental well being of you and your family will be healthier.

6. You cannot help them unless they have a desire to help themselves.

7. Make sure they understand you cannot live with the addiction or consequences of it but you care deeply for them.

8. Although confronting them may have proven to be disastrous, you loved and cared for them enough to let them know you have great concern for them because of this.

9. Some times walking away is the best thing you can do for them and yourself.

10. Always be supportive in their efforts to overcome addiction, but don't allow their problems to rule your life.



*If we are made in his Image...lets begin to act like it.*

The African American History of my Hometown!

It's black history month,welcome. I remember when I was young, in elementary school we had black history week each year in February. We took the opportunity to learn about slavery, emancipation, civil rights and what not. It was pretty cool.
One of my favorite parts of growing up in Michigan was knowing the important roll my state played in the Underground Railroad. Also learning the important roll my home town Battle Creek, played also gave me some sense of pride.
Some history:
This memorial statue is in west Battle Creek:


There were 7 different ways to run the slaves through Michigan and up to Canada through the Underground Railroad:

They could come up from Toledo, Ohio and into Detroit and across the Detroit river.

The second route was from Toledo to Adrian to Morenci to Tecumseh to Clinton to Saline to Ypsilanti to Plymouth to Swartzburg to the River Rouge to Detroit.

Another Underground Railroad route ran along Old Sauk Road from Indiana; Niles to White Pigeon to Sturgis to Coldwater to Quincy to Jonesville to Somerset to Clinton to Saline to Ypsilanti to Plymouth to Swartzburg to the River Rouge to Detroit.

The fourth route took escapees on the Old Territorial Road from Indiana and Illinois; Niles to Cassopolis to Schoolcraft to Climax to Kalamazoo to Battle Creek to Marshall to Albion to Parma to the Michigan Center to Jackson to Dexter to Leoni to Grass Lake to Ann Arbor to Giddes to Ypsilanti to Plymouth to Swartzburg to the River Rouge to Detroit.

The fifth was the Grand River Trail from Indiana and Illinois; St. Joseph-Benton Harbor to South Haven to Holland to Grand Rapids to Lowell to Portland to Lansing to Williamston to Howell to Brighton to Farmington to Detroit.

Route six was from Detroit, Lansing, Saginaw, or Flint to Port Huron.

Route seven was from Chicago to Duluth to Mackinaw City, continuing on to Detroit or Port Huron via Saginaw, or to Canada through Sault Ste. Marie.

It is believed that Michigan had more than 200 "depots" on the Underground Railroad. A depot was a planned stop and included churches, homes, or any safe place to hide.

The second route was from Toledo to Adrian to Morenci to Tecumseh to Clinton to Saline to Ypsilanti to Plymouth to Swartzburg to the River Rouge to Detroit.

Another Underground Railroad route ran along Old Sauk Road from Indiana; Niles to White Pigeon to Sturgis to Coldwater to Quincy to Jonesville to Somerset to Clinton to Saline to Ypsilanti to Plymouth to Swartzburg to the River Rouge to Detroit.

The fourth route took escapees on the Old Territorial Road from Indiana and Illinois; Niles to Cassopolis to Schoolcraft to Climax to Kalamazoo to Battle Creek to Marshall to Albion to Parma to the Michigan Center to Jackson to Dexter to Leoni to Grass Lake to Ann Arbor to Giddes to Ypsilanti to Plymouth to Swartzburg to the River Rouge to Detroit.

The fifth was the Grand River Trail from Indiana and Illinois; St. Joseph-Benton Harbor to South Haven to Holland to Grand Rapids to Lowell to Portland to Lansing to Williamston to Howell to Brighton to Farmington to Detroit.

Route six was from Detroit, Lansing, Saginaw, or Flint to Port Huron.

Route seven was from Chicago to Duluth to Mackinaw City, continuing on to Detroit or Port Huron via Saginaw, or to Canada through Sault Ste. Marie.

It is believed that Michigan had more than 200 "depots" on the Underground Railroad. A depot was a planned stop and included churches, homes, or any safe place to hide.



http://www.albion.edu/library/JAT/MIUGR.htm This link takes you to an interactive map where you can see certain historical landmarks along the way.


One of the coolest things was being able to visit the Gravesite of Sojourner Truth in the Oak Hill Cemetery. I was honored to visit her resting place last summer (2008)





I'm rather proud of the place I grew up and its place in Black History. It's streets didn't hold marches. There were probably no bus protests. I'm pretty sure no one got hosed down in the streets for picketing. But it's streets are full of the souls and spirits of Men, women and children who hid in the cellars, basements, attics, barns, closets on their way to Freedom.


And that, folks, is a little bit of the Black History of my home town.